Written By A Friend

This Was Written For Me By One Of My Friends...

Unexpectadly she entered my life.
She took more than just my order that night.
A few smiles, a few laughs, she made me wonder.
Deliciouse looking she started my hunger.
A quick taste is all i need.
I hope I never awake from this dream.
Her name is magnificant as the place it stands for.
Her body undisturbed.
Im just an archeoligst awaiting his turn.
Le me wander in your vastness.
Let me get lost in your sands.....SAHARA

I Love It. It Was Sweet Of Him To Write This For Me.

Denial

I'm Sitting Here Thinkin Of My Purpose Here.
Is It To Make You Feel Like A Man; Make You
Feel As If You Belong? Why Should I Subject
Myself To Your World? To A Place That ShunnedMe Away When I Was Only Lookin For Someone
To Befriend Me. The Darkness OverwhelmsMy Eyes And Forces Them To Release An Emotion That
Has Never Surfaced In Me. I Am In Denial. I Feel As
If Those 3 Words Are For Your Ego Instead Of My
Heart. My Emotions Are Being Forced Out Of Me
With No Permission. You Had Me In A Trance For
Longer Than I Should Have Allowed. He Tried To
Break The Barrier, But I Let You Control That
Situation. I Am Confused And I Never Thought
This Could Happen To Me Once Again. I Forced
Out Any Thought Of Anyone Else But You. The
More I Tried To Deny It, The More I Denied Myself.Now Apart Of Him And Him A Part Of Me, It's Plain
As Day To See. You And I Were Pushed Together.
We Were Never Meant To Be

I Was Bored And Just Let My Fingers Type Something...

Fill My Void

You re The Solidarity That I Need To Have.
You Stretch Your Arms Out To Me
And I Feel The Warmth Of Your
Love. I Can Feel The Blood That
Runs Through Your Veins For It
Run Through Me Too. We Are As One
Now And Will Forever Grasp On To
The Love That We Have.
I Rest My Head On Your Chest
Just To Hear The Beat
Of The Heart That Keeps Me
Alive And Sane...
Everything I Need And Want
Stands Right In My Face.
I Reach Out To Pull
You Into My Arms,
And The Image Is Just
A Facade. I Wipe My Eyes
And Hope That You Will
Still Remain In Front
Of Me, But You're Gone.
You Were Just A Figment
Of My Imagination. I Forced
You Into A Place In My
Mind. I Made You Fit The
Hollow Territory
Of My Mind.
I Pause In Pure Hysteria And
Confusion.
You Were Only
A Prisoner In My Mind; You
Were Never My Reality.
My Eyes Are Sheltered By
The Nu Light That Had
Come Into My Life.
You're Just A Distant Memory... More Like A Dream
You Were Never Real But Oh, So Fake.
I No Longer Want To Speak These Words; They
Are Like Daggers To My Heart.
I Knew You Were
A Mirage From The Very Start.

420 Miles Later....

Im Am Back In Artesia New Mexico. Its Like My Life Is Back In My Hands. I Miss Kansas And My Friends That I Have Made. I Wish I Could Have Boths Worlds. I Want An Equal Place That I Can Call Home. Being Back In Artesia Is What Ive Needed For A While. It Put Everything Into View For Me... But At The Same Time Is Was Like My Absense Was What Some Needed Or Wanted.... When I Was In Kansas Some People Wanted To Act Like I Never Existed.... Some Can Say That I Have Changed And This Is True.. I Left Half Of Myself In Liberal. Some Say Its Only 3 Months But It's 3 Months Away From A Life That I Had For 9 Months. Away From People That Became My Family... But 90 Days And 420 Miles Later... I Will Be Back In My Comfort Zone...

BJ The Chicago Kid - Make It Right

Im Sitting Here In Jess' Room Listening To Another Song She Told Me To Listen To. It's Called Make It Right By BJ The Chicago Kid... Im At A Loss Of Words Once Again. It's Making Me Think About Things That I Dont Want To Think About.

The Words Hit Home In So Many Ways... I Wish This Song Could Actually Make It Right, But I Doubt It Could. I Wish He Could Just Kiss Me And Make It Right..

"Lets Make Love One More Time. Tonight We Can Make It Right."

Just Listening To This Song Makes Me Re-Think Everything I Once Knew. I'm Leaving Liberal In A Week Or So And It's Gonna Be A Long Summer Just Not Knowing What To Expect Next Year From This Situation.

My Mom Has Told Me To Use My Best Judgement And To Follow My Heart. But My Heart Is "Not In The Right Places, But Soon Will Be In The Right Hands." I'm Still Denying The Feelings That I Dont Want To Aknowledge. Maybe Me Leaving Is What Is Best For The Both Of Us. I Will Tell Him Good Bye And Shed The Tears Of Defeat And Love.

But Before I Leave I WIll Tell Him, "Let's Make Love One More Time. Baby Tonight We Can Make It Right."

Back To What You Know

I don't know where to beginFighting a war I cant winFighting a memorySomething that used to beNo matter how hard I fightAll of my strength and my mightKeeps defeating meIt just keeps defeating me. [Ne-yo]

Okay I'm here in the computer lab listening to Ne-yo Back To What You Know... Wow What Can I Say Jess Told Me About This Song And I'm Totally In Love With It, But At The Same Time I Dont Wanna Face The Truth Within The Words.

Go back to what you knowGo back to where you know your heart isGirl, just be honest (this is impossible)This is impossibleWe'll never work if you don't want itGirl, you belong with him, so go back to what you know[Ne-yo]

I Think I'm conflicted with how i feel. I Dont know what to think, say, do, or feel. I'm so silent it's as if my mind and soul are dead and my body is lifeless. I dont wanna feel as if i used him in anyw way because thats not the turth.

And if that's really what you wantI will not stand in your wayYou wanna be freeI will let you beI'd rather you happyThen miserable with meBack to what you know. [Ne-yo]

Me and Jess have said Ne-yo Is Like Relationship Jesus... And This is True. Everything Im Going Through He Knows How To Say How I FEEL. Right Now my mind is cluttered and overflowing with emotions and memories.

I hope he doesnt take this the wrong way... but i have to rid my life of him... the words came too fast with the territory. i meant it i did.. but..... I GOTTA GO BACK TO WHAT I KNOW.

Blinded Eyes

Her Soul Is Cracked, But Only Her Mind Is Paralyzed. Never Noticing What Her Surroundings Are Made Of. Her Hands Blind Her Eyes With Selfishness. Excuses Flood Her Mouth Like Saliva. Segregation Overwhelms Her Life && Leaves Her Isolated. Her Errors In Life Go Undisturbed; Only To Build A House Of Lies That Will Soon Be Burnt Down. Her Faults Now Become Her Insecurities. The Zero Hour Of Her Life Is About To Occur. Her Selfishness Turns Into Misery. Her Life Is No Longer A Promotion Of Herself. She Is A Terrorist To Her Own Life. She Will Soon Experience The Wrath Of Her Heart. Tears Fall && Egos Burst. The Storm Is Over. Now A Part Of The World, She Is Back Down On Earth. She Is No Longer Self-Absorbed Nor A Ruthless Human Being. Her Eyes Are No Longer Blinded; She Is Now Seeing.