What If A Woman...

I'm Here Listening To Joe Thomas "What If A Woman" This Song Has So Many Qustions I Wish Men Could Answer. At The Moment, I Am Feeling So Un-Appreciated And Not Welcome In My Own House.

What If A Woman Started Wearing The Pants? Would You Feel Less Of A Man??Never Wanna Settle Down. Always Wanna Run Around On The Low.

I Work My Ass Off To Provide For The Little Family I Have Now. I Dont Like To Wake Up At 8:15 Every Morning To Sit At A Desk For $8 An Hour, But I Have To. I Might Not Cook And Clean Like A Woman Should, But I Do My Best To Provide...

What If A Woman Had A Man On The Side And She Never Spent Time With You.

I Feel As If I Dont Know Who He Is Anymore, Nor Do I Know Who I Am. I Wonder If The Tables Were To Turn If He Would Be By My Side Through It All. If I Had No Job... If I Had No Money. If I Had No Education. If I Had No Ambition. If I Had A Child From Someone He Disliked.

What If A Woman, Left You Home With The Kids. Changing Diapers And Shit. What A Twist.

Listening To This Song Makes Me Feel As If I Should Flip The Script And Show Him How He Acts With Me... Whether Or Not It Works, Im Not Sure; But Its Sure Worth A Try. I Just Wanna Feel Like Im Loved And Appreciated Not Only For My MONEY, But For My Love And The Fact That Im Trying To Provide.....

If The Cards You Were Dealt Were To Change, Would You Let Your Hand Go Up In Flames?

Walking On Eggshells

I Come Home And You're Fine.
We Speak Of 2 Sentenctes And Youre Losing Your Mind.
We Can No Longer Interact As

Friends, Roommates, Or A Couple.

It's As If Im An Unwanted House Guest That You Can't Get Enough Courage
To Tell To Leave.

I Am Walking On Cloud Nine When You Kiss Me,
But More Often Than That I Am

Walking On Eggshells

. Never Knew I Would Be
A Burden In My Own House. The Look You Give To Me, Is One Of Disgust and Utter Hatred. At Times I Force Myself To Stay; Where As I Should Want To.

When I Walk In The Door It's As If Your Day Has Just Gotten To It's Absolute Worst. I Know At Times I Pick A Fight, But What Fight Do I Pick When I Come Home From Work. It's Always Questions Of

"Did You Date Him?" or "How Could You Do This To Me?"

Why Cant It Ever Be Questions Of

"How Was Your Day?" or "You Wanna Watch A Movie."

I Would Rather Be Walking On Cloud Nine With A Smile On My Face And Your Hand In Mine. Instead I Come Home To Floors Filled With Eggshells And Shattered Glass. Forced To Walk These Floors With Broken Memories And Almost Broken Knuckles.

To Walk On Eggshells Is To Allow Yourself Not To Speak Up For Yourself. So The Next Time I Get Home From Work; I Will Walk Straight To The Kitchen And Pick Up That Old Broom And Sweep Up All These Eggshells And Shards Of Broken Glass, And Ask Myself,

"Sahara, Is It This Really How You Wanna Live."

Truthfully.Speaking.

I Am A Girl With Ambition And Goals. I Feel That Some People Might Underestimate Me. Or Even Despite Me For Making It So Far. Just A Couple Of Days Ago I Was Told, "Sweetie, You Have A Good Personality, But The Only Thing You Got Going For You Is Your Body, And Even With That Your Mouth Ruins It." Wow. I Was Also Told, "You Act Like A Bitch." "Youre Stuck Up." I've Heard It All Before But It Still Hurts. Am I Stuck Up? Am I A Bitch?

I Took What People Have Said To The Heart Too Many Times. I Am A Grown Woman. Why Should I Let What They Say Bother Me? I Am Here To Say That No Longer Will I Subject Myself To Your Thoughtless Words. I Am Who I Am With No Regrets Or Restraints. I Am Sahara Howard. Take It Or Leave. Love It Or Hate It.

Ima Leave You With This. Some People Might Not Like You. You Might Not Mesh Well With Their Personality. But Never Let Yourself Drop To Their Level. Keep Your Head Held High && Earn Their Respect.

Loves,
Sahara

Written By A Friend

This Was Written For Me By One Of My Friends...

Unexpectadly she entered my life.
She took more than just my order that night.
A few smiles, a few laughs, she made me wonder.
Deliciouse looking she started my hunger.
A quick taste is all i need.
I hope I never awake from this dream.
Her name is magnificant as the place it stands for.
Her body undisturbed.
Im just an archeoligst awaiting his turn.
Le me wander in your vastness.
Let me get lost in your sands.....SAHARA

I Love It. It Was Sweet Of Him To Write This For Me.

Denial

I'm Sitting Here Thinkin Of My Purpose Here.
Is It To Make You Feel Like A Man; Make You
Feel As If You Belong? Why Should I Subject
Myself To Your World? To A Place That ShunnedMe Away When I Was Only Lookin For Someone
To Befriend Me. The Darkness OverwhelmsMy Eyes And Forces Them To Release An Emotion That
Has Never Surfaced In Me. I Am In Denial. I Feel As
If Those 3 Words Are For Your Ego Instead Of My
Heart. My Emotions Are Being Forced Out Of Me
With No Permission. You Had Me In A Trance For
Longer Than I Should Have Allowed. He Tried To
Break The Barrier, But I Let You Control That
Situation. I Am Confused And I Never Thought
This Could Happen To Me Once Again. I Forced
Out Any Thought Of Anyone Else But You. The
More I Tried To Deny It, The More I Denied Myself.Now Apart Of Him And Him A Part Of Me, It's Plain
As Day To See. You And I Were Pushed Together.
We Were Never Meant To Be

I Was Bored And Just Let My Fingers Type Something...

Fill My Void

You re The Solidarity That I Need To Have.
You Stretch Your Arms Out To Me
And I Feel The Warmth Of Your
Love. I Can Feel The Blood That
Runs Through Your Veins For It
Run Through Me Too. We Are As One
Now And Will Forever Grasp On To
The Love That We Have.
I Rest My Head On Your Chest
Just To Hear The Beat
Of The Heart That Keeps Me
Alive And Sane...
Everything I Need And Want
Stands Right In My Face.
I Reach Out To Pull
You Into My Arms,
And The Image Is Just
A Facade. I Wipe My Eyes
And Hope That You Will
Still Remain In Front
Of Me, But You're Gone.
You Were Just A Figment
Of My Imagination. I Forced
You Into A Place In My
Mind. I Made You Fit The
Hollow Territory
Of My Mind.
I Pause In Pure Hysteria And
Confusion.
You Were Only
A Prisoner In My Mind; You
Were Never My Reality.
My Eyes Are Sheltered By
The Nu Light That Had
Come Into My Life.
You're Just A Distant Memory... More Like A Dream
You Were Never Real But Oh, So Fake.
I No Longer Want To Speak These Words; They
Are Like Daggers To My Heart.
I Knew You Were
A Mirage From The Very Start.

420 Miles Later....

Im Am Back In Artesia New Mexico. Its Like My Life Is Back In My Hands. I Miss Kansas And My Friends That I Have Made. I Wish I Could Have Boths Worlds. I Want An Equal Place That I Can Call Home. Being Back In Artesia Is What Ive Needed For A While. It Put Everything Into View For Me... But At The Same Time Is Was Like My Absense Was What Some Needed Or Wanted.... When I Was In Kansas Some People Wanted To Act Like I Never Existed.... Some Can Say That I Have Changed And This Is True.. I Left Half Of Myself In Liberal. Some Say Its Only 3 Months But It's 3 Months Away From A Life That I Had For 9 Months. Away From People That Became My Family... But 90 Days And 420 Miles Later... I Will Be Back In My Comfort Zone...